Clinical dread

I dread going to clinicals. Every night before clinicals I have trouble sleeping because I have this awful fear that I am going to do something that will harm one of my patients. On the way to clinicals there is a knot in my stomach that seems to grow tighter the closer I get to the hospital. Am I going to make a complete fool of myself today? Am I going to get stuck working with a nurse who hates me the second she hears she has a student nurse? Am I even going to see the RN assigned to my patient, or is she going to assume I can actually handle everything? Will something make me throw up or pass out? Will something make me cry? All of these thoughts cycle through my mind before I even unlock the car door. Some days do end up being as bad as I feared. Others end up being even worse. Fortunately, the majority of the days end up being amazing. I have seen the faces of people as they meet their child for the very first time. I have been there when test results come back showing that everything is going to be ok. I have been the comic relief in tense situations (and I am usually not trying to be funny- I just happen to do a lot of stupid things when I am nervous), and I have been the needed friend when someone thought they were all alone. Although life during clinical rotations is stressful and hectic, I miss it during periods that we don’t have clinicals (such as now through July 10th). I’m sure you guys miss it too, because I don’t really have much to write about when I’m not making a fool of myself in front of doctors, patients, and my instructors. Don’t worry, in a few weeks that awful knot and my embarrassing stories will be back!

5 thoughts on “Clinical dread

  1. Here\’s wishing you all the best in the coming days.
    You\’ve chosen an incredible profession, one that shows you all the extremes of life and that really makes a difference. Having wasted some years in a dead-end cubicle, I respect your courage and dedication.

  2. I loved clinicals, only because I went to school with several "katies" that were always more klutzy than I was!! We swore we were going to write a book when we got out, and now I wish we had. I also have always known what I was supposed to be, so I feel most comfortable in the "nurse" mode!

  3. just caught up reading your lsst few posts, reminded me why we all love reading you, looking forward to the next one and enjoy the break from clinicals!

  4. Hey Katie,
    Hope you enjoy your break from clinicals and your stomach lining gets a chance to grow back after months of nervous nights and days.  I look forward to hearing new stories when you return to clinicals in July.  Which dept will you be in during your next rotation?
    Desert Imaging
    PS Is that you in your profile pic?  The woman holding a little girl?

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