I found the solution to all my daily frustrations: eggs.
~When the stupid drivers on 71N drive in the mile-long exit lane and then cut in front of all the bumper-to-bumper traffic at the last second although they knew the entire mile that they were in an exit lane- I’ll throw eggs at them!! Oh, that would make me feel so much better.
~When my fellow classmates ask the most random, irrelevent questions, prolonging class by half an hour, I’ll throw eggs at them too!!! Some of these people are wonderful human beings, but they can’t handle the fact that we are just learning the basics right now. They want to know what to do in every single situation.
~When my teachers say, "Now this won’t be on the test, but I want to tell you this fifteen minute story about the time…." BAM!!!! Hit on the head with an egg.
~ When I open the letter from my insurance company informing me that my insurance will be going up $20 per month again. BAM!! Hit the person closest to me with an egg or two. No, it’s not their fault. But for some awful reason it would still make me feel a little bit better.
~ When my cat thinks she is being cute by attacking the pen as I am writing. Awww.. I couldn’t actually hit her with an egg. But I could throw it across the room and hopefully she would chase it and forget what she was doing.
~ Eggs would also be good for some old-fashioned classical conditioning. Whenever the snobby girl in our class gets that "I’m better than you" look on her face, BAM!!! It would probably take a few dozen eggs, but maybe she’d get over herself.
~ To the administrators at my school who thought, "We have the teachers and resources for thirty nursing students. But we would make a lot more money if we had sixty nursing students. So why don’t we just have 75 students and call it even?" BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!!!! (That was them getting hit with three eggs, in case you haven’t caught on).
~ For the person who takes up two parking spaces just so no one door dings them. Hmmm…. which is worse, door dings or a half dozen eggs?! Yea, maybe you shouldn’t have taken that close spot, huh?
~ To the people at textbook companies who decide to change one or two words in a book just so they can put out a new edition, making poor college students waste hundreds of dollars on something they will get very little for when they sell back, because another word or two will have been changed by that point.
~ To make omelettes with for the cops who come to arrest me for property damage, assault, and battery for all my fun with eggs. Maybe they would let me go?